- "Even if you are rich, famous, powerful, or very good-looking, the only person who REALLY cares about you is your mother. The REALLY sad part is that it is probably not even her choice to care, and that she will likely do/say things to you that your worst enemy would not."
- "While the vast majority of people don’t care AT ALL about what happens to you, most of those who DO at least somewhat care actually secretly hope that you FAIL so that can feel better about themselves. This seems to be especially true among siblings and between female “best friends.”
- "Very few things in life REALLY matter. It is HIGHLY unlikely that your grades in school, your first romantic heartbreak, or anything that happens to your hometown athletic team or on your favorite soap opera will come close to qualifying."
- "Since very few things really make a big difference in the end, being nervous is almost ALWAYS irrational and counterproductive. And yet, if you aren’t at least a little nervous about an endeavor before you do it, it hardly seems worth doing."
- "People tend to determine whether or not to do a “questionable” act based on whether they think that they will get caught and whether the risk is worth the potential reward, far more than if the act is actually “right” or “wrong.” This is another potential Bill Clinton thesis topic."
- "A person’s ability to get away with breaking the rules is directly proportional to how rich, famous, powerful, or good looking they are. There is no such thing as a “common standard.” Life is not fair and was never intended to be."
- "To most people (especially those under the age of 60) “loyalty” to another is defined not by what that person has done for them in the past, but rather by what they think that person might be willing and able to do for them in the future. So don’t count on someone being loyal to you unless you have profound, well-established, leverage over them."
- "House pets are usually far more loyal/trustworthy than humans. And usually humans treat them much better than they do other humans. Because cats are able to pull this off while providing almost nothing in return, they seem most likely to take over the universe when humans are finally erased."
- "While you can argue over the definition, there is NO such thing as a truly selfless act. There are acts that are more/less selfish than others, but even Mother Teresa did what she did partly because it made her feel good to do the “right” thing and because she thought that it would help get her INTO heaven. However, there is still no plausible explanation for some of the things that Michael Jackson has done."
- "We are ALL “whores” to some extent. Everyone on earth would do something/anything for money, fame, power, sex that they would NEVER think of doing otherwise. All that really separates us is our price and our preferred method of payment. Those whose behavior seems most dramatically affected by this principle include politicians, entertainers, criminal defense attorneys, and very good-looking women."
- "Because it is usually perceived as a sign of weakness (especially by people that you want to date), the nicer you are to people, the GREATER the chance that they will want nothing to do with you (unless, of course, you are rich, famous, powerful, or very good looking)."
- "Despite what Walt Disney animated films have taught us, someone is NOT more likely to be a “good” person if they are beautiful (or at least cuddly) or more likely to be “bad” if they are ugly. In fact, it is probably the OPPOSITE of reality. Ironically, the best proof of this comes FROM the behavior of the residents of Hollywood themselves."
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